What? why? and which way NOW???

03 Jun

I’ve been waiting years for someone to explain my two youngest boys ways and they have three older brothers so I know there’s a difference to the way they act and the way they do and deal with life but I don’t want labels for the sake of labels either I just want to help them do and be the best they can. I just want to know what the right way to go is and what will help them. I don’t want to have something pinned on them just to make others feel better and accept them.

From Confusion Hill

Confusion Hill

Frustrated irritated tired and confused quick rant 😦

English: A "puzzle" ribbon to promot...


Posted by on 03/06/2012 in Uncategorized


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11 responses to “What? why? and which way NOW???

  1. dderbydave

    03/06/2012 at 10:53 pm

    I see from your list of related articles that some of the labels you refer to might be Aspergers, autism and adhd. I know little of these things but have scored high in an Aspergers test myself. I know from blog chats over the last 8 years that autism occurs on a spectrum and differs with every person who is diagnosed.
    But I also know that it’s most important to focus on the person, not the label and to establish their needs and their path in life. Diagnoses are often a way for professionals (and parents) to categorise and deal with behaviours. It’s a simplification – a coping strategy.
    You’re the expert on your boys but maybe these diagnoses and their treatments could help them and you. A useful set of tools rather than a damning description.

    • ganderingdreams

      07/06/2012 at 3:44 pm

      To true, but it’s frustrating waiting to get the answer so you known your heading in the right direction ! Thanks dderbydave 🙂

  2. theedgealone

    05/06/2012 at 6:31 am

    Hi there
    I do agree that diagnosis is an important step. You do know your boys best, but because every child, or for that matter adult, on the spectrum is so different a diagnosis can help pinpoint each child’s specific needs, and sort out strategies to help them in their daily life.

    It’s really important to get a diagnosis from someone who really understands the spectrum, and the fact that autism itself expresses in a wide variety of forms. There are programmes that can change a child’s life, not change the child as so many seem to think. One well researched approach that can produce evidence of its success is ABA – Applied Behavioural Analysis – and it works on the basis of drawing up programmes that are individually based. I know that Peach is an organisation in the UK that is involved and while interventions are best when a child is very young, they can be effective too for older children. Another place you may be able to get help is from a group called Rethink Autism. They are based in the US, but we are just about to develop strategies for our 15 year old autistic grandson, for whom we care, in conjunction with them. He was one of the very few children in Tasmania to be given an ABA programme – he came to live with us when he was 6, after a complete breakdown, when he had an IQ that was so low that it could only be assessed, and his behaviour was unmanageable without daily assistance. He now is brilliant at Maths, a great cook, excellent at Woodwork, a fabulous skater, and beginning to make significant progress with language.

    Home schooling is a great option, because it does allow a child to learn without the fear of bullying. It’s not the last stop, but without it children on the spectrum spend their days in fear of bullying, and as you have experienced, at times in schools which have no understanding that their behaviour is not because they are ‘naughty’ but because they are floundering in a world that they don’t understand, and which does not understand them.

    Hope my ‘rant’ helps.

  3. theedgealone

    05/06/2012 at 6:32 am

    oops could NOT be assessed

    • ganderingdreams

      07/06/2012 at 3:49 pm

      Thanks for the info “theedgealone” that will come in handy and I will check them out. I’m glad your Grandson is doing so well and is getting the help and love he deserves 🙂

  4. servantofcharity

    05/06/2012 at 4:43 pm

    Thank you for checking out my blog. When you have some free time look at this website that I am also in charge of. There might be some consolation for you: especially read the Guanellian Mission Principles linked to from the top right corner of the page. You are not alone in your parental feelings. They are founded and they are okay. Just by reading the above post I can tell that you are doing a great job as their mother!!!

    • ganderingdreams

      07/06/2012 at 3:51 pm

      Thankyou “servantofcharity” for taking the time to read my blog and comment . I will be checking out your website too . Catch you soon 🙂

  5. christinelaennec

    09/06/2012 at 9:49 pm

    Hello there, thanks for coming along to my blog! Re. diagnoses and labelling, I’ll just say that for a long time I resisted the idea of putting a label on our adopted son’s problems. I didn’t want to think of him as “a case”. However, I found out that on the one hand, labels can be very useful in dealing with professionals and also in deepening one’s understanding of behaviours and so on. On the other hand, behind every label is an infinite variety of individual experiences and ways of being whatever the label seems to point to. I ended up using labels when it was helpful to me or him to do so, and otherwise not. Also, terminology changes over time as people understand more. So it isn’t as fixed as it seems.

    Good luck. We certainly have had many moments of thinking Where do we go from here? when all ways seemed blocked. And yet we (and he) have found our way through, and so will you and your sons. I agree with Servant of Charity that you must be doing a great job. Take care of yourself!

    • ganderingdreams

      10/06/2012 at 2:52 pm

      Thankyou christinelaennec, writing about all these things certainly seems to help. Just being able to put it into words helps me organise things in my head which can get so muddled with all the things that happen etc. Getting comments like yours is so encouraging and reading other peoples blogs and realizing that your not the only one and gaining some helpful advice is fantastic. Thanks again and Happy blogging 🙂

  6. Mondrak

    10/06/2012 at 10:41 am

    I have a son who has Asperger’s Syndrome. He is 16 now, and I worry about him going out on his own. It is something that I don’t think he will ever do. For his 16th birthday, he wanted toys and Lego.

    I do know that a diagnosis can give you relief as well as a world of hurt. It means that your child will never do the things that you hoped for them to do. There is a poem that someone from the National Autistic Society gave me. It describes how you feel. I’ve posted it on my blog as it’s too big to add as a comment.

    • ganderingdreams

      11/06/2012 at 2:37 pm

      Thanks for that, I visited your link from your blog and loved the poem. All the best Sarah 🙂


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